It was my 1st day in engineering collage among other students of my department and it happened that my eyes went on her. The day I saw her 1st time, I was with my best friend there was something that bothers me to admire her. The way she came inside class, I knew there was something. I had a strange feeling. In fact my heart was beating so fast and I felt a glow on my face. My friend thought that I was excited about my engineering life. That was when I knew I liked her. I also tried to propose her in chemistry lab just after 10 days of joining but she didn’t listen even though she was 10 feet away from me. Instead our chemistry teacher heard it who was just standing back of me and she gave me big scary look.
Everything happened so fast. The next thing I knew that she was from North India. Though she didn’t see me (I think So) I was happy thinking that 4 years -1day still there so that at least once she will like me. Though it did not kept me from watching her all the time. I knew she is a good player as bio-student. I know such a player studies because I am not such a player. I thought to myself she should not fall from my sweet words, instead she should love my life, my attitude, my thought, my sparkling eyes and my smooth touch, though it never happened.
Our pacing was so fast like a lifetime relationship summarized into 4 years. We went for IV along with other collage mates and that is when I knew most about her and also that I was with her just for the joy and excitement but because I was beginning to love her. I was with her because she made me complete. I risked my life because I want to be with her even for a short moment. Those few days were the best days that I could include in my life and I will treasure it forever. I have collected those photos of her and framed in my wardrobe. I have also framed her photo taken for university degree certificate. She was looking like princess wearing a red sari.
For 4 years, every single day that I woke up I feel excitement rush through my veins. I could not wait to see her and spend the whole day with her and talk to her all night. She made me feel special as if no one ever gave me that feeling before. I listen to her when she talks. She makes conversations with others and I admire her lips. She makes me happy when she laughs. She looks even sweeter when she shouts on others. I think I should hold her hands securely during those reactions. I like to embrace her tight when I feel to lose her ever. I look at her as if she is Kohinoor diamond. She is so sweet. These were just the right spices that I am looking for. Though I also had our bad days that she made me cry.
I knew that we were not meant to be. At some point we will be apart. She was not supposed to be with me simply because her belong to someone else. I knew that from the start, but the feeling that I had was strong enough that I risked it. As days went by, I became confused. I had to choose her or not. I know that it will end some day but I did not know how the ending will be. I tried to end it with her one time but why was it so hard? I became more attached to her. That every single beat, I had to see . I had to hug her and kiss her. I had to hear her voice and see her smile. She was like a drug that I was addicted to. Finally, the time came when we got graduated. I did not want it to end but it has to end.
It has been 1 year 5 days, though I still think of her. Why? After all that she has done? I thought pain melts away love, but not with her. Why can't my love with her grow lesser each and every day until I become sober? We have seen each other several times at several times, we unfortunately go to. When we see each other, it seems like we are strangers who knows names only. For a few weeks now, I have been thinking of her. I dream about her. It is becoming weird for me.
I heard about her updates, from past few weeks, from mutual friend that she is working in XXX Company. This time, I really mean that she has chosen her path. And I will not tell lie, I did try to call her but I had to remove my eyes from her because our mutual friend told that she was happy with that.
I have been meaning to see her. To talk to her about what happened between us. I do not know what she is thinking. It may seem weird for her. Maybe it doesn't even matter to her anymore but it matters to me. I had to end it right. I needed a closure. I do not want to end up asking myself "What if I did talk to her about it? Will I know how she really feels?" I see nothing wrong of seeing her again for the reason that I just want to end it smoothly with no hard feelings. I do not want to have a gray hair and thinking back what if I came to see her before. Then I would not be able to get the answer unless I do it now.
Fine, maybe I just want to have one last look at her. I really did fell in love with her, didn't I? She once told me that it is easy to fall in love with anyone who you trust. Well guess what? I never knew that I am so in love with her until now that I still think about her.
If only she know that letting her go was not easy for me. Loving her was all that means to me. I cry myself to sleep for years. I missed her so much and still am missing her till now. But now, I have to set myself free from her. I want to stop thinking about her. I had to do what is right this time. Though it breaks my heart to think that she is gone and it is over between us. I want a closure and I need to hear it from her that it is over. I never regret anything that happened between us because I was so happy for the 4 years of my life. I am glad I met her though I will set myself free. She is the princess charming that I have been waiting for. She is my life that I risked just for her, my one great love.
